wit

i watched a movie today called wit starring emma thompson as part of a module about palliative care. it is a powerful movie which illustrates the difficulty of learning to die, and the many facets of our lives, both inherent and external, which impede this painful yet essential lesson. as medical students we are rightfully reminded about the role we play firstly as humans and then as professionals, not that this is confined only to the area of palliative medicine, just that it is even more tender here.

emotions run high in this film and this is as impactful as the failure of the doctors to see the patient as a human, treating vivian, the protagonist, only as an interesting case in their medical career. the doctors' matter of fact attitude in relating to the debilitating symptoms associated with dying and death mock life itself.

but the movie involves the audience and tests the audience's response. this test comes when the movie has just ended, when the lights are switched back on, and when the pupils just about to react to the spotlight that centres around each and every one of us. the movie asks us to pause and consider if we can show concern for another being without dehumanising him into a string of words. yet immediately we tear the characters and the movie apart to study academically how to respond to patients. have we not learnt anything from the movie? that to me is irony.

desire

desire is like a river that starts atop a hill. it flows steadily, pooling at any convenient spot. it gathers momentum, grows bigger and refuses to ablate itself. it flits from one to another, from here to there, teasing every crevice and whetting every part. it provides an illusion of satisfaction, only to push and insist its way past each weak obstacle. all the while descending, descending, plummeting...

tuition

(my post earlier on the play i watched yesterday got eaten up!)

saturday morning was what i believe to be my last tuition lesson for this cycle of the academic year. it's been a new experience for me, the running to people's house, the scheduling and all the little frustrations that can come with trying to teach. i only started in august though, so even now i'm still pretty new to this whole thing.

but the time spent has been enriching. it's a good way to make some money, but apart from this, it brings back memories of all that now irrelevant knowledge that i've slowly acquired through the years. and it has somehow reminded me about how things were like then, the friends, the school and the work.

it's odd that now having it over, i feel the lingering sense of nostalgia. in this in between season there is always the uncertainty of whether i will be required again for the next cycle. there have been positive outcomes and some not so positive ones and i do feel that with greater time i could probably do a lot more than trying to teach one year's syllabus in a few lessons and hoping for that person to do well.

finally now, there is a loosening of my schedule, which is a welcome relief. it's been pretty hectic over the past few months.

time

at dinner yesterday to celebrate my mom's birthday, it oddly struck me as my sister sat quietly opposite me that she was 17, soon to be 18 come april next year. 17 going on 18. i sat desperately trying to quell the urge to point out that amazing fact. i've been yearning to relive those years and just two metres away was someone deep in the thick of it. i wanted to tell her to treasure those years, to remember to have fun, that very soon, those years would slowly but surely pass away.

i realise it's not so much the numerical age that determines what stage of life we are in, rather it is our position in life that dictates how old we are perceived to be. there is little difference being 21 or 24 in university but the gap is somehow larger being 24, a working adult, and 24, the student.

how strange it is then to be 21, and male, when the rest of such friends have only just begun or about to begin university. there is a certain jadedness about school.

my sister will catch up with me in a while. next year she will apply to universities; not too long ago did i also. and soon will i be a working adult. these are the kind of wrinkles that can be added overnight. these are the major steps that show you've grown older. it is not a number.

festive season

as the lights go up on orchard road, one knows that christmas is quickly coming just around the corner. i've generally loved christmas for all the good that it represents but i think it was either last year or the year before the last when i felt oddly nonchalant about the whole christmas affair.

maybe it's having tests on the first day of school. that's quite a mood killer and i do feel strongly against the need to set tests just after what is an important period of the year. it's going to be the same come 2nd january 2008 for us year 3s once more, but hopefully with better anticipation and one previous experience, it won't affect me in such a way again.

so i'm getting prepared mentally for christmas. last year i didn't carry out many of the things i've come to see as a sort of personal tradition, and so this year i've set my mind to doing them.